Ever feel like you're just coming apart? The tightly screwed in nuts just starting to come apart? That's me, tonight, right now.

There are more than a few memories that can trigger such powerful emotional response, but the one that I wish to discuss tonight is one of play. By play, I mean being played. By being played, I mean scarred. It's the type of memory that digs at your very heart and soul and leaves a gash there that has the potential to trigger powerful emotional response.

First off, let's talk about Playing and being Played. Playing usually entails that the Player is baiting someone in some way. Sexually, emotionally, it doesn't matter. The Played are those on the receiving end of the baiting, usually finding that those who they though were genuine were merely playing with them, were in it for the chase and excitement and when actually faced with the end result find themselves uninterested and bored. I was Played.

Alright, on to the second thing, the effects on two main groups of people: The Players and the Genuine Romantics (perhaps considered naive or foolish by some, but by others considered genuine). If it's a Player chasing a Player, then there really is no such thing as anyone being played. Both parties are fairly aware that the most exciting part is the chase and aren't that broken up when they find things don't really work out. If it's a Player chasing a Romantic, then the Player is in it for the chase and the Romantic is in it for the end result, and when the end result ends tits up, then it will be harder for the Romantic, but is recoverable and doesn't create too drastic of psychological scarring. Now, when it's a Romantic chasing a Player, the shit can hit the fan. The Romantic is in it for the end result, the chasing just seeming to be something of an obstacle that needs to be overcome. The Player baits the Romantic, and well, when things go tits up, the Romantic may end up on the severely short end of the stick, worse off than the Romantic being chased.
I'm one of the third category.

Third off, why am I talking about this now? It's because being played sucks and has left some serious emotional scarring. I know what some of you are thinking: "Man up, fucking pussy. Get over it and move the fuck on with life." I have. The thing is, being played sucks and little things can remind you of being played. Something as simple as just someone not telling you that money was required and not apologizing can set off a cascade of memories and emotions that can really fuck up your night.

To those who are Players, be aware of those you play, because you can seriously leave them feeling like they were left for dead after being gang-raped by a bunch of hardcore gangstas. To the Played, sometimes you need to take a step back and take a look at things from the third person. Sometimes you need to talk to others, sometimes you just need to step back and really breathe.

--Hans

PS: This isn't some sort of of joke, so if you want to put one some sort of stupid comment, I'll be sure to cleave your limbs off with a crowbar. I'm not fucking with you. I will.